As for me, New Year wasn't happy but instead sorrowful. Should I call it Sorrowful New Year instead? I still remember, 31st December 2009 was a rather happy day initially and that was the day I came back to Ipoh too. Everything was going on smoothly and everyone was happy. I was happy, my family was happy. You were happy too until the phone call came. The moment you told me about that, I'd know that this would be a very terrible new year.

Well, it turned out as expected. Since that message is being sent to me, you don't reply my messages no more up till 010110 came by. But still, it was a message filled with sadness, sorrow and pain. Knowing the source of the problem, I decided to take a move to solve the problem. Instead, I got blamed for causing the problem to worsen. Sometimes I do not understand the logic of it anymore. I really do not know the logic behind your actions. Everything happens because of a "he" and because of the "he", we've been having so much problems lately. I really do not know where do you belong anymore. Are u owing him so much that you have to submit your happiness to him? And yeah, you're gonna be like going after me after u read this message again.

I am tired, I want to end everything right on this particular New Year. To be frank, I've thought of it for a lot of time and a very long time each time. I tried to resist, knowing that it's hard for you too. But how am I to resist if the same incident happens everyday? Alright, I think I've ranted enough. Back to the story.

Today, I practically gave up on everything. Despite everything, I still think that I am the one sticking out of nowhere and forcefully push myself into this particular picture. If I was not in the picture, the pain wouldn't be inflicted on you. You would be having a significantly happy life. Not the life in which you've faced for Christmas, and now the New Year. I definitely don't want you to face it again during Chinese New Year. No, not anymore. If there's anyone who should be facing this, it would be me.

I know, this actually happened a lot of time and it seems that it's so repetitive that no one even bothers to care about it anymore. But then, I blame myself for being not persistent enough and return back to square one at the end of the day. Sincerely speaking, I really hope'd that I can actually be with you. That is my sincere wish and want. But I think that it's his need. With that, I guess giving up would be a good decision. He would be happier, you wouldn't be pressurized by him and end up feeling bad the whole day anymore. As for myself, well. Perhaps I should be facing this since I'm the one sticking out of nowhere at the first place.

Sometimes I do wonder, if he didn't exist. Things would be much easier and problems wouldn't be happening so much these days. Sighs, if there are so many "if" in the world, I wouldn't have to be facing so much now. Starting this relationship "game" is a mistake. Everything since semester 1 was a big mistake. I'm sorry. I've never been this daring to do this especially in this blog before but I think I would be doing it now. Wouldn't have the chance to do it anymore I guess. I love you, Low Kar Kheng. I know that things are impossible at this stage anymore but everything I said to you, did for you are from the deepest ocean inside my heart. I can't bear to see you being hurt again. I'm sorry