"Better Life"

I've been through a crazy 3 days for the past 72 hours and I gotta say, I'm glad I'm still alive. 1 deadline for each day and having 3 deadlines in the span of 2 days have got me really bushed up to the point that I don't even know what is tired anymore; all I know is I get hyper, and make a fool out of myself. Some of my friends can confirm this as they saw too much of my retardation. Then again, being busy does not make me stop thinking, pondering and evaluating my life.

I was at this poster exhibition organized by people from my course (unfortunately I didnt get to organize it as I was terribly sick for 2 weeks; ending up blurring through the whole week after that). Really unfortunate, because it was good. It's just a small event, but had really brought out the meaning of the theme "Better Life". I still remember how touching some of the presenters did that can really shed tears out of jokers like me. Nevertheless, what got me thinking is actually not from the presenters but from the Dean of my faculty.

He told us one thing about the theme "Better Life". The point that I remembered most is where he said "I left my job and came to UTAR, all for a better life". Then he elaborated about leaving things behind because there is something better. Which really got me thinking. I tend to be someone who holds onto things very hard and I am always reluctant to let go. Some see this as the strength in me, but now that I started to think of it, this may be one of the weakest point of my life too.

I've been holding onto things too tightly sometimes, not willing to let go; not willing to go the distance. Perhaps the best example was on my relationship where I took almost 1 1/2 years to get rid of my past relationship issue, and well even now, I'm still 'holding on' to these problems. In as much as patience usually gives success, the patience that I have is actually killing me. It's using up all the time I have in my life for nothing. Perhaps I should, leave the past behind and go forward for a better life.

Which means, I'll put things that I dear most down too
Most notably, you. It's been a long time, but perhaps it's time to cut things off.
Things just wouldn't work out although I've really tried my hearts out.
Thus, perhaps I shouldn't be doing anything any longer.

Perhaps I should just move on
I'll just move forward, for my "better life"
Posted on 3:49 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

The little things

It was a rainy evening. I was having a nice warm tau fu fah with some herbal eggs while enjoying the cool windy breeze until someone told me something. Something that hit me hard and just made me felt that I should be writing this down for my readers, or perhaps for my future self. What's being told is actually a very simple thing but when in deep thought, it means a lot. What was told was this:-

'It's been so long since we've ever sit down, and talk; about anything but not work' 

Honestly, life had been so busy these days, almost every single minute is spent doing something. Not only myself, but I think most of the people around me are in the same situation. But when I come to think of it, things weren't like this last time. What I had, in the past had somehow slipped off without even anyone knowing about it. 

Gone are the days,
Where I was able to spend time enjoying the nearby lake at night

Gone are the days,
Where I was able to sit down in Mamak,or outside my house doing absolutely nothing

Gone are the days,
Where friends can actually sit down together and have a good chat; not discussion

Perhaps even now,
Gone are the days,
I can sit in front of my PC, and game without any reasons

Even in games, expectations and standards have to be reached. Everything I've been doing these days, have a reason and aim and I find it worthless doing something if there's no reason of doing so. I thought I was right, because only when a person is doing something that gives a reason, it's worthwhile. But somehow, I was wrong; because it is these little things, that may not bear any fruit at the end of the day ends up being something that is of most precious for a person. 

These things make me wonder, why am I working so hard; when what I've been striving for - to live a happy and good life is actually achievable at this point of time? This is just my 10 cents, that I felt that I have to write. 

Everyone tries to hard to live their life as good as they can
They claim that they do not want to waste their life doing worthless things
But at the same time, not realising that what's being done to "live the good life" they want
Is actually not worth doing

It's always the little things that matters most
The short chat with people that means the most to you
The smiles that you exchanged with the people you loved
The quiet moment you spend alone, with yourselves
Even the small argument or "skirmishes" you have with your friends

This are what's worth in my eyes

What about you?
Posted on 6:18 PM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

Rants

It's been a long time since I've ever written or posted anything here and to be honest, I don't expect myself to be posting anything here at all. Perhaps from a little bit of encouragement from my lecturer few days ago, I find myself once again sitting down here typing out words and phrases accompanied by beautiful melodies played by Yiruma (Recordings of course)

A lot had happened recently and a lot of things had me thinking day and night. But perhaps the issue today made me think even more, better? It made me decide to write what I feel out here in my blog. It's hard for me to type things down here because things are a little bit hard to explain with words alone, but I'll do my best

I still remembered long ago when I was in secondary school, Form 4 if not mistaken. My class was introduced to a topic of "should classes be streamed according to scores and marks" and students are supposed to be debating on that topic. As usual, a lot of people claimed and supported the motion of classes should be streamed. It was all alright, until a friend of mine decided to say no. He made a point, that when classes are streamed, the good gets better, and the not-so-good gets neglected. Points came out to the point where he questioned, if everyone is out there trying to help the good, who is there to help the bad? Aren't the ones in which attention should be paid on are the weaker ones, or the not-so-good ones? 

It was a lively discussion and we had fun, but what's being said struck my heart up until this moment. That is also a reason, why I always try to look in the perspective of the so called 'bad' people. Even when everyone around tells me how bad a person is, I try to hold judgement until I actually see how things are. True enough, things aren't actually that bad, because everyone tries to be good. It's just that, people always ignore and leave these people behind, because they are not 'up to their standard of life'


This, however is life. The good moves on, the bad moves backwards. But if this continues on, how are things gonna improve? In a group, there's always the quiet ones, the noisy one, the center of attraction and true enough, the odd one. But this is the one and only reason why the group is called a group. Every single one is different and made into an individual by God, and no one have reasons to judge them for who they are. Everyone have their imperfections, but this is what makes everyone perfect.

I may be snobbish at times, but I am just not the guy that can leave one group for the benefit of myself. I just don't understand how other people can do so. Because it's not always about I, my, me and mine. There's always a you, we, and us.I wonder, is this world made to be this way, where everyone just wants to be the best, to get the best out of everything; to the point that many other people are just left behind not because they do not want to move on, but because no one is there to help them?

Honestly, I do not like situations like this. Perhaps because I'm naive and I believe in a perfect world. 

I just don't see reasons, why should I leave things behind so that I may gain the benefit
I may have lost a lot of things because of this belief and action of mine
But never had I regret such decision in my life

I believe everyone have values in them
No one is 'trash' or 'useless'
Posted on 8:07 PM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »