Trustworthyness ??

The word above is what I've been pondering when i was trying to sleep just now. Sad to say, the question couldn't be answered at the moment. Sometimes, when i reflect back to the past where I listen and I follow to things that are being told by people. I realised that I could easily trust the people around me and I just do whatever they want me to. Ironically now, I did the opposite. Most people said that I've changed so much compared to the old me ( who was obviously very obedient,quiet and do not hav my own stance ) to the current me ( who have my own personal stance of opinion and does things according to what he feels that it is right ). Frankly, up till now, I dont see which is the better one. Many people say human change for the betterment but it seems that no matter how you change, there'll be people who dislikes it and tend to challenge it. I'm definitely trying my best now to be a better person and I believe through all these, I'll be facing so much more problems as problem do not stop occuring.

I often tell my friends to look at different perspective as things can be seen in a better way and life would seem more meaningful and of course, happier. I do wonder, can I do it now when I'm facing the same thing. Phrases like "walk the talk" is something which really needs to be done now. I can't afford to waste any more time. I must find my own stance and my own self. I can't keep on depend on others opinion and style of doing anything anymore. I'm awaiting the moment when I can stand up to people and say " I'm myself " proudly. I wonder when would it happen ??

The word trust have been keeping me busy nowadays as I realised there aren't much people I can actually trust currently. Am I being too conservative where I can't even trust anyone anymore ?? Or perhaps working alone is what I am ?? It gets frustrating when I hear news that there are so many 'behind the scene' which took place without anyone knowing till it was exposed by others. Is this the world now or it's just plain human attitude towards life. Words which they always say such as friends , besties and stuffz like that seems that it's just the cover and behind, words of cursing and judging comes in non-stop. It's just so unbelievable that out of 100 person whom i know, only 10 person would be the one whom I can trust and others are merely mask wearers.

However, it's understood that life must go on. Problems must be solved and things must keep on moving. I'll definitely need your prayers and motivations to keep on moving. I believe things would be solved. Sooner or later. Hopefully ...

p/s : Do people only look at the benefits of themself to act ?? I'm definitely confused with it.
Posted on 1:02 AM by Jefferychan and filed under | 0 Comments »

Friends ...

Friends ...
Indeed a very simple word but hardly no one could actually explain this word in a manner which would satisfy everyone. Sometimes I do wonder are friends that important or are they not important at all. I used to be someone who doesn't mix around much and would prefer to sit at home and just pass my time alone. I'd always felt that it was the way to be in life. Things that were in my mind was just to study and live life as it is. It was when I actually start to notice the people around me that I started changing. Perhaps to someone better or maybe worse for the others but the sure thing is, I've changed through time because of the people who are with me all along.
Things were alright all along and frankly, the times which I had in my life was nice and happening because of one simple word. Friendship . It's through this simple word that I actually gained happiness and meaning in my school life. True enough, I'd gone through this happy moments and I'm very glad for that to actually take place in my life. Those memories are simply priceless and nothing can ever replace that. I still remember the old me, who is very ego-istic, someone who always throw tantarums when things doesn't go by my way, so on and so forth. Still, there are people who actually approached me and talk to me, hoping that I would change. True enough, as myself, I actually put them down a lot of time. For that, I would sincerely say sorry to whom it may concern. Perhaps now, I dont even talk with them much already due to the gap in between.
This word seriously brought me very far. But, this word can actually bring me down anytime. As written above, I used to be someone who does things alone and do not care about what others thinks of me. Thoughts are flashing through my mind saying " I used to be like this, why can't I be like this now?". Indeed for those who see me in school these days, I tried to actually sit down and not moving around and mix with friends anymore because I know, things aren't right now. It's really saddenning when I can't even chat with them longer than 5 seconds. There aren't anything that can be talked about anymore. In fact, in order to fill this 'emptyness' in my life, I went mixing with my other classmates whom I wasn't very close with in the past. But true enough, I'm starting to fit in. Through that, I tot my problem was actually solved and I manage to cope up with the changes.

Unfortunately, this doesn't change one bit. The emptyness in my heart was never filled up. The bonds which keeps friends united and together for such a long period of time seemed to be tarnished bit by bit, day by day, without anyone even knowing it. I really do not know what is happening and whether it would get better or not. I often see in many webpages such as frienster, facebook , etc where words such as "Friends Forever"exist. There are even handphone Short messages where people uses vulgarities to define friendship ( remember "friendship you can keep" ?? ) Are these things even true to even take place in our life ? Sincerely, I'm starting to doubt this. There are too many actors around me where I dont even know who to trust.

" Friends are hard to find, not easy to keep but even harder to forget "
" Friends come and go , but true friends appear once in a lifetime "

I wonder, what does all these actually represents ??
I'm not writing this to complain, nor do it expect any changes because I know nothing will change lest something is done. But you peeps see me here writing this is just because I just don't wanna keep this anymore. I don't think anyone would like to face this, and i hope none of you would be facing this. It isn't nice at all.
Posted on 12:12 AM by Jefferychan and filed under | 2 Comments »

Back To Myself

Who Am I Actually ??
Trying to give a brief summary about myself then ...

  1. I don't do things without any benefits. If I don't see reasons in doing things, I'll never do it

  2. I'm someone who keep things to myself. If u wanna dig out my secrets or even normal stuffz, you'll have a though time

  3. I don't do things in front of people. If you don't see me doing things, that doesn't mean that I never do it before

  4. If I keep quiet and do not say anything, this just means that I'm thinking whether I should be saying it out or not, fearing that anything might happen if I do so.

  5. I'm rebellious and hates following orders. I would never do things once being told or ordered to. Even if it's right. I'll delay that order and do it the next time and not instantly

  6. I hide all my feelings and actions. If I tend to act stupidly or "tidak apa" towards something, that doesn't mean that I don't care at all. It's just that I don't wanna show it out

  7. I won't fight back unless I know that it's correct. I practically agrees with anything under the sun unless I know that the particular thing done is wrong.

  8. I don't like doing other people's job. I will only do things which are in my area of conductivity. Not less and not more than that.

  9. I ain't getting any clear eye sights for about 3 months already, and it ain't getting better at all

  10. Finally, I'm just the ordinary ME. I can change but I don't think that there's any need unless it's a big problem. It's no longer me if i change to suit others

Well, I guess that's all for now ~~

Posted on 10:37 PM by Jefferychan and filed under | 0 Comments »

Me and Myself ~~~

Went around friendster and found this test thing ...
Found out that its quite true .. So, just to post la otherwise my blog would die ^^

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Seems pretty true .. Frankly , I think it's true ..
Typical Jeffery Chan's personality =)
Posted on 11:15 PM by Jefferychan and filed under | 0 Comments »