Yes, I'm from a 'Kampung'

Today was one of the days which I really hate to be in, but also a day in which I will remember for a lifetime. Why? Because it is today that I finally see reality. The ugly truth that I what I've always believed in, is really near non-existence.

I come from a small town of Ipoh, where people do not always compete to the death just in order to stay at the top; for money, pride & whatever that comes into place. I am always a firm believer that in life, the most important thing is to be happy, spread goodwill and give as we are able to.

However, sometimes reality just have to give me a big slap on my face for no apparent reason, to make my stance shaken.Then again, although my stance had never been shaken off, sometimes I really do feel sad when things like this happen to people around me.

I really missed the time where people are so simple minded, rather than how people around me are; competitive, cunning and complicated. Every single one will just simply try their best to do the things they are supposed to, not trying to take each other out so that they are at the top!

Problems that can be solved in a matter of SECONDS, gets questioned and delayed to the point of hours, days and even months for no apparent reason. Seriously? If time is such a valuable thing in life, why bother wasting it?

Everyone have their own point of view in life, and how they define life as it is. Rather than choosing a way where cunningness, competitiveness and trying so hard JUST TO WIN A RAT RACE; where there's no end - I choose to stay happy, give willingly and be simple.

When everyone is trying to make a fuss of their life and trying to earn big bucks, I am here doing my own job and continue to learn through life because honestly, I don't see the reason of trying so hard to win, if there are more important things in life for me to do.

I am disappointed, and honestly sad, but who am I to talk so much, when I am simply a nobody in the eyes of the majority. In fact, sometimes I wonder, will I end up being like the majority in the future?

It's not wrong being successful, high up the corporate level and earning big bucks. But when it kills value such as kindness, respect and goodness - a person just isn't human any more.

Yes, I'm from a small town.
I am naive and have no ambitions in life.
I may regret this in the future, not having stability & a wealthy life in the future
Posted on 8:30 PM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

Can I?

It's been quite some time since I've ever been so pissed with life. I've always been telling myself that in life, there's two perspectives in looking at things; where in ever bad side, a good side exist. Well, there's always an opposite of something in life isn't it. However, I guess I'm just a little too tired to be patient any longer. Sometimes I'd just want to call it quit and just do not care any more; which I can definitely do because if one day I decide not to care at all, I will not care at all; no matter what.

The thing is, sometimes when I felt as if I'm trying so hard to help someone, nothing is actually coming back from it. When I give advices and thoughts, everything seems so childish and non-existence because what I always feel is just too childish for them. Sometimes, things just became so tough that I had to use all the strength I have to control myself so that I just wouldn't start destroying everything around me.

You know what? At this point of time, I really do not know why am I still trying so hard to help; spending so much time trying to put you into my shoes, because I just found out that whatever I'm trying to tell you is just something that passes by your ears, never kept, never cherished. If things are just like that, why do I even bother trying to do something at all?

I could've used all the time spent doing these meaningless stuffs to work on my news portal project, work and so many other stuffs. Heck, I could even use it to just rest up and sleep so that I can have enough energy the next day. I broke my sleeping habit for no reason, spend so much time out when I could've just rested at home. There's so many things that I can do other than what I am doing now.

Honestly? I do not even know why am I trying to do anything any longer. Everything seems so useless. Perhaps I'm really born at the wrong place, placed at the wrong side of the world. Maybe I just shouldn't care because everything that seemed to be bad to me, is good to you.

I just do not want to care any more. But the question comes back to me.

Can I? Do I want to? Should I? What will happen if I choose to ignore?
This sucks.
Posted on 10:41 PM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

I wished I could've did more

I used to be a terribly pessimistic and emotional person. As I read back old post from my blog, I tend remember how I felt in the past when things were going sideways instead of straight. I'd believe that at those point of my life, things were seriously so bad to the point where I actually felt life was meaningless. I still remember the days where I slept almost 20 hours a day, because I simply do not want to wake up to face 'life' or the simple 'reality'. Perhaps to the point where sometimes I just felt like giving up everything; my studies, friends and everything (except life, of course. I'm too kiasi to commit suicide). I've recovered from that about 2 years ago, but the memories just wouldn't go away.

Which is why, at this point of time when I see people who are facing the same trouble as I've faced, I tend to be able to feel what they're feeling. The feeling of wanting to do something, yet understanding that nothing could be done. Knowing that I need to pull myself together, yet day after day the body just gets heavier. Wanting to just quit, but the heart keeps telling me that there's hope.

However, sometimes it's just impossible to lend a helping hand because what I can end up doing is just that much. It kinda saddens me to be in this situation, because knowing how bad the situation is, I really hoped that I could do a little bit more.

Urgh, I guess it's time to sleep. Had a crazy day.
Posted on 1:23 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »