Lessons of Life

It's now 18th December 2012, 3.16AM. Approximately 4 days till the rumored doomsday. Uh, perhaps I should really cut the crap and go straight to the point. A lot of things happened in the past weeks and I guess, I really learnt a lot; and also realised a lot - simply because I knock my head on the wall too many times already! If I were to elaborate things one by one, I believe it'll be never-ending so I would just try to keep things short and simple; for myself and also for others.

1. Be truthful: Not to others, but to yourselves
I've been in a state of lying to myself for a very very long time until things just start hitting right into me. It's weird to say this but I've been thinking that I was doing everything right, and everything is actually in my control finally to the point where I realised I'm trying too hard to actually cheat myself all the way through. To be honest, it's really hard to accept such fact because admitting that I am wrong is something that I never do (Because I'm always confident, unfortunately). It is only due to someone, that I am able to actually realise what is happening, and that I am actually lying to myself for such extended period of time. Thanks.

2. What's meant to be, is meant to be 
I've been a person that believes that in order to achieve something, effort needs to be given and paid. And the more you give, the more you receive. Well, I can say that it isn't wrong to have such mentality but it only happens in a perfect world, not reality. In reality, sometimes we'd just have to let things flow. Of course, effort still needs to be exerted but forcing isn't the way to go. The more desperate you try to get something done, the higher the chance of it not to be successful because such desperation will bring things down; and in a negative way.

3. Seek first to understand yourselves, then understand others.
This is perhaps the most important lesson that I learnt. Many a times, people try to understand others and help others whom they thought are in need. Unfortunately, they forgot about someone who is of the utmost importance; themselves. I've been trying so hard to understand how do other people think and act, to the point that I myself do not know what am I doing anymore. What are my aims, dreams and principles? Everything had just simply gone down the drain. Sometimes, there is a need to be selfish, to look after ones self before stepping into someone else business. 

It has been a tough 48 hours, battling with my mind, heart and soul but I'm glad it has all come to an end because at this moment of time, I seriously know what I want and also the things that I know I want to do. I really have to thank the ones who actually helped me in understanding this, and I'm sorry too, for the ones whom I've hurt during the process. Perhaps, being simple is the best way to go with it; like what I've wrote in my past entry - to think like a child.

We just have to 
Show how we feel;
Do what we want;
Think not of the consequences;
Just live life as it is;
This world will be beautiful.

P/s: If you are reading, the 'thorn' has not been removed. But I'll listen to the advice and keep options open and see which direction would things flow =) 

Thanks, you've been a really great part of my life
Posted on 3:41 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

I am a rebel

We live in a world of expectations; where every single thing you do and take into your life, expectations follow. It's not like I'm saying it's wrong to have expectations but I never like such issue in my life. People tend to say, only with high expectations, achievements and success can actually take place. Such is the truth as only if you expect to succeed in life, you would eventually put in the effort to do something and take the responsibility to work towards it. Honestly, it is true, because only when goals are put in front of you; things can be done and achieved, but my question is; when we're trying to hard to achieve goals and goals alone, where does the heart lies?

I have friends who work hard every single day to achieve good results. So much to the point that rest were never in his/her eyes and what's being seen is only the end goal; of having fantastic result. When being asked of what he'd been through all the way throughout the process, there weren't anything worth mentioning at all.

The question on whether or not I should follow what the masses want to see had been hitting hard on my face. Ever since the incident happened, I've been thrown with words like "you must", "you have to", or "do it.. or else" which eventually put me into deep thought again tonight. What I felt is as if all of a sudden, I'm being thrown into a pit with so many rules and regulations that I have to agree and do in order for me to get out of it. It is, of course what I want; but definitely not the road that I want to take.

I wanted a road of understanding, tolerance and trust.
Not agreements, expectations and contracts. 

I may not be good, but I am sure that I'm serious and sincere. But with so many must and expectations coming in, what I felt is as if I'm becoming a machine or computer that follows the order of what the programmer wants from me. Nothing that I am going to do is directly from my heart if I am to continue moving forward this way. I will end up doing everything, because I am told to do so.

I am not writing this to tell everyone that I am right and others are all wrong. But I want to get my thoughts through; because what I value is not being 'perfect', but being 'sincere'. I used to tell my friend that whenever my parents start to demand me to do something (practising my piano, for example - Now you know why I never practised last time) , I will end up doing the exact opposite. It's simply because I am a rebel. The more people try to exert control onto me, the more I try to repel them off. 

But this time, 
I just couldn't put this issue off because I value too much.
I don't usually ask for things because I never liked to do so
But I ask of time and understanding at this point of time
I don't want to be a machine, I want to be a human with a heart
To do things that I want to do deep inside me
Not to do things I am being asked to do 

Posted on 3:30 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »

Opportunity Cost

I came upon the term "Opportunity Cost" first when I was in my Foundations study in the subject of "Principles of Marketing". At that time, or perhaps all along to me, it's just a simple term that people use in the business line; where in every opportunity, there is a cost. In every benefit, there is a bad side of it. But to be honest, it isn't as simple it being in the business line, because in life; everything have a cost and these cost comes from the choices we made.

I remembered being in a sharing session by Guang Liang when he came to UTAR once and he quoted something very meaningful, and it is still clear in my mind; "Life is choice", it is the choices we make that shapes our life, how we are going to be, and what are we going to be. The word choice is so simple, but sometimes, these choices are so hard to be made; to the point that sometimes, I do not want to make any choices at all. Sad to say, sometimes it just could not be done because a choice simply had to be made.

Approximately 4 years ago, I made the decision to skip Form 6 and get into UTAR because I realised that Music is not the path that I can take in Malaysia, because it's way too expensive. I regretted it badly because  4 years later, I found out that there are actually Music Courses being offered in Local Universities.

3 years ago, when I was hinted by my Instructor to take up some skills on arranging and doing something in the Music field, I decided that I shouldn't commit that much any more because it simply does not bring benefit. I regretted it, because if I had just done it, I would've been of much more value now.

2 years ago, when I decided to cut off my relationship because of a sudden 'bad mood' and 'ego'. I regretted because because that decision, my following year in University was just too bad to be explained. But I am glad that happened, because it made me a better person too

1 year ago, when I decided that I should be doing more extra-curricular activities instead of being a book worm. I joined so many activities that I became too busy. My studies dropped like heck (though it's still good), but I'm happy because I got to meet a bunch of awesome people and leaders.

6 months ago, I decided to pick up music again. I was glad, and happy with it because my lost dreams, was actually coming back to me slowly. I was able to go overseas to Taiwan to perform, as well as got to know new friends and obtaining new experience. It was just awesome, something that I never regretted

5 months ago, I took a leap of faith and apparently, it didn't go how I wished it to go. It was a bad moment.  3 months ago, I thought it was time to move on, I made a decision to start up something new. It took only 2 weeks to realised that it wasn't right, because it's not the right time to 'move on'.

Now, after 3 months of making that "decision"
I'm asking myself again: "What should I do"?
Is it the right time to actually "move on"? 
Or since I've started it, I should end it correctly

I really hope, I can actually get a hint on how to do it this time. Is it possible that it is not me who makes the decision again? Cos I really do not have the courage to take any more actions as every single actions and decision made, there is an opportunity for something better, and also a cost for something worse. 

Seriously, I don't like it.
But that's life

Every decision you make, will have 2 effect
The opportunity, and also the cost

I will make a decision sooner or later
I just hope I don't make one that I would regret

Posted on 1:11 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 1 Comments »