Being loved

Love is beautiful; sometimes just too beautiful to express and explained with mere words. I simply couldn't agree more to that because it is the word "Love" that turns the world around. Undoubtedly, everyone is also trying to look for it in their life. Some spend days, weeks, months and some even years; or a lifetime looking for it. 

Myself? Well obviously, I'm not an exception in this case as I am a human too but most of the time, I always find myself at the negative side, where things did not, or perhaps never worked out in my favour. My perception on these feelings was kinda bad sometimes as to me, it brings pain more than joy and happiness. This perception of mine never changed until recently. 

I was having what we call "yumcha session" with some of my old, close friends and it somehow made me realised something; I've actually received an abundance of love from the people around me. Up till now, I was perhaps only involved in one serious relationship that broke down almost 2 years ago. Most of the other relationship was not being able to be 'kick-started' for some reasons that I do not know. 

Perhaps I was not being loved, 
Perhaps I am someone who is not worth being loved
Perhaps I am just not of the quality that people seeks

That was what I thought of in the past. But not any longer. Because only after I look back into my past, I realised that there ARE people who once loved me, loving me, and still giving their heart to me even after and extended period of time. To be honest, only after reflecting on my life these days, I realised that I am actually a lucky person. Sometimes just too lucky to be true. But what I am doing for those who gave so much for me sometimes makes me an ass because instead of being thankful to them, I'm actually being an ass to repay them. Sometimes I just felt guilty and bad as I can't reciprocate all the love showered upon me. 

Sometimes I wonder, should I return back everything that was given to me by giving a positive answer? But I do understand that I cannot please everyone. In as much as I want to do something to reciprocate and give back, I know that sometimes I have to control myself and make a decision to give a harsh "NO"

But I'm thankful. Most importantly, I am appreciative of all your presence in my life.
I do not take anyone as a burden, nor do I consider any one of you bothering with my life
Simply because every single one of you means a lot to me, and I mean it.

Every time I pen down something, or every time I give a speech, I have a reason. Similar to that, this post is also written for a purpose. I couldn't say things directly as I know that I am not a person who can do so. But I just want to explain and tell you people, that I appreciate you people being around me. Friends, family, colleagues, anyone.

Each and every one of you means a lot to me; please do not isolate yourselves from me?
Posted on 3:23 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 1 Comments »