I don't usually come to my blog anymore. In fact, it's been months since I ever felt like typing what's inside me. Perhaps it's a form of 'protection' that I give to myself - so that I do not seem too fragile from the perspective of others. Anyhow, after this 'extended' period of time, I felt the need to release some steam before I go crazy yet again.

Yesterday was by far one of the terrible days that has happened after quite a long time. It's been a long time ever since I was being forced to swallow this bitter pill again; a pill called defeat. I remembered how stinging was it deep inside me last time when my marching band lost in the Perak State Marching Band Competition.

This time, it was a game. As childish at it seems, this defeat was a bitter pill to swallow to the extent that up until now, I still feel the sting right into my heart - affecting my mood and feelings throughout the day.

However, talking about the defeat makes no purpose. Simply saying, because it does not change the fact anymore. Thus the most important thing now is to continue going on, checking on the error and ensure that it doesn't happen again. I always believe that in these situation, the most important thing to do is to find solutions.

That being said, I guess up till this point - I still do not know how to solve problems in regards to people. I do not know how to motivate, help or lead others.

Inasmuch as I took up multiple roles/leadership positions in high school/University. I just felt that I'm inferior compared to the others.

Damn, I'm really bad at leading ain't it right?