I'm going crazy
It's been a pretty rough day today. I did not do anything at all throughout the whole day and I guess it is just another day wasted on doing nothing. However, the issue is that I can't put my heart and soul into doing something when it's so busy working on something else. I'm just not the multitasker everyone thought I'm good at. Or perhaps, I am good at multi-tasking only when I am sure of what I want.
The issue now is that, at this point of time; I do not know what I want anymore. Maybe not because I do not know, but it's simply because I cannot accept the fact. Everyone around me is seemingly working towards what they want to be. They are working towards their dreams and goals. On the other side of the world, there is me, who is making all sorts of turns and detours because I just couldn't do what I want to.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I fail so much in trying to get to my destination. Is it because I am not able to be patient enough? Or I'm just simply the failing in every single way that I've been working on. I used to be someone who is very persistent and not-willing-to-give up in the things that I want. That was where I eventually thought to myself that going straight ahead just wouldn't work and thus I opted to be simpler, and make do with what I have. Then again, it is at this moment that I felt, what I have is just never what I wanted afterall.
I remember telling myself that life's great but the moment people tell me the opposite, I tend to agree with them and scrapped off everything I've been telling myself for the past months, or perhaps years. I'm already a graduated student, and I'm no longer a student. What I felt I've achieved in the past 22 years of my life? It's absolutely nothing.
Posted on 3:44 AM by Jeffery Chan and filed under | 0 Comments »
The issue now is that, at this point of time; I do not know what I want anymore. Maybe not because I do not know, but it's simply because I cannot accept the fact. Everyone around me is seemingly working towards what they want to be. They are working towards their dreams and goals. On the other side of the world, there is me, who is making all sorts of turns and detours because I just couldn't do what I want to.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I fail so much in trying to get to my destination. Is it because I am not able to be patient enough? Or I'm just simply the failing in every single way that I've been working on. I used to be someone who is very persistent and not-willing-to-give up in the things that I want. That was where I eventually thought to myself that going straight ahead just wouldn't work and thus I opted to be simpler, and make do with what I have. Then again, it is at this moment that I felt, what I have is just never what I wanted afterall.
I do not know, whether I am just simply too greedy to ask for so much
Or perhaps making do with what I have, just wouldn't work for people like me
I just couldn't be satisfied with what I have at the moment.
My life is so mediocre and moderate to the point where if a person ask what's the "greatest" moment of my life. I could never be able to answer that, because up until now, I've never experienced this "greatest" moment. None. Sometimes I just do not want to move on, because by having to move on, I need to make decisions. And making decisions that are beyond what I really want and beyond what I can control? I feel bad about it.
Many people talk about dreams, be it in their life, career, relationships, family, or anything related to their life. Guess what, I have them too. It is just that, none of them ever came true, or perhaps it just haven't. I'm not too sure. Perhaps I just do not have the patience to achieve it, and I gave up halfway all the time. Or perhaps I'm just not ready to sacrifice what I already have to simply have the "chance" to achieve it.
It's the war of the heart vs mind all the time I guess
I'm going crazy
It's the war of the heart vs mind all the time I guess
I'm going crazy
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