Have you ever been in a dream where you actually want, but would prefer not to have it at times? I guess I just had it just now when I actually thought I can have a good rest just now. I actually went to bed at 10 and thought of waking up at 4.30AM to get my job done. Only to end up waking up at 1.30AM instead and had not slept since then. It was a dream that woke me up.
A dream of a promise I made to a person. A dream of promises and vows. There's so many things that I've promised this person, and it seems that time after time, I broke it with my own hands itself. only in the dream I see it realised. I felt so happy as I can actually do it, but to no avail, it's only in my dreams. It's no longer do-able anymore because I'm not at the right situation or position to do it anymore.
All I can do is to see from afar, hoping that you'll be alright. All I can do is just to think of ways, and that's the end of it. I can't do anything anymore. Worst of all, all I can do now is to make myself think and believe that it is the end. The end I do not want to have. Not the ending I want. Not the ending I hoped for.
Then again, what else can I do? Other than trying to be happy and contented with what I have? This week had been terrifying. I don't like a single part of it. Every single moment, you appear in my eyes and mind,
I'd thought to myself on what are you doing, yet I don't have the courage to ask you.
I found out that you are unwell, yet I have to show that I'm care for you as a friend.
I miss having meals together, yet I'm opposite your table, with my back facing you
I missed you. but what I can do is to show that I don't
However, if it makes you happy that way. If this is the significantly simple thing I can do for you that he did. I think that's the last of it that I may give. I just hope to be something to you. Something meaningful perhaps? I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore. I just hope I'm doing the right thing as of now. Not to regret it in the future.